You can let the girls out

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I love celebrating with my family, and the food is great.

And man, my cousin Rachel, I just crave her juicy, juicy breasts. No doubt I am the world's biggest breast man, white meat all the way.

My mouth is watering as I think about her holding her huge melons. Most folks say they're the biggest in the county. Her cantaloupes are like ambrosia in my mouth. Tremendous grapefruits, and meaty white coconuts. It takes a man a while before he learns how to handle his cousin's coconuts the right way.

My cousin's just incredible melons

This picture highlights her true assets, what a great big heart!

In the morning there in the country the milk wagon comes around. Honk honk. My cuz'd get excited and I'd come out on her front porch, the crisp morning air filling our lungs as I grabbed a couple of jugs. G-d's own milk bottles they were!

And oh my gosh her cupcakes were wonderful, her melt-in-your-mouth muffins, her smile so wide, the twins were even gushing!

My heart started pounding my chest like a couple of Danny DeVito goombas in an alley, bombs and bazookas, and I felt a little mixed up like in that Abbott and Costello routine. It was utter? udder? madness - I always forget how that word is spelled.

Jeez sorry I totally got off topic, as I was starting to tell you that Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. That's because last Sunday was the second annual National Go Topless Day.


Once the holiday gains some corporate recognition, perhaps anywhere from AAA through 4H, it's bound to take off



Needless to say, this holiday is the absolute tits. At work we decided on Hooters to celebrate, that place really brings it double barrel. Double plus plus I was going with Dolly from accounting - what a pair!...Fred and Ethel together.

Hooters is a tacky joint no doubt, the kind of place with hubcaps hanging everywhere. But I'll say right now there is no better spot anywhere if you are a man who truly appreciates huge cans, or bottles. A man learns quick the right way to twist a bottle or suck on a can at that kind of place.

Anyways I'm heading for the mountains when Thelma and Louise, these pair of boobs from payroll, show up. What yahoos, I swear. All these airbags talk about are their Hummers.

"Thelma I have two Winnebagos with brand new Goodyear snowtires."

"Really Louise well the grillwork on my Volvo magnificently highlights my classic Italian hood ornament," and blah blah blah who really cares.

(They are actually both jealous because I have an incredible motorboat). They've been begging me to show it to them, I fire it up and BRBBB-BRRBBB-BRRRBBB chicks really dig it but honestly I hate those itty-bitty palookas that fancy themselves Sir Issaac Newtons, they can be so fake. Big fakes. You can always tell the fake ones.

Apparently some folks actually like their chicken wings

Somehow Dolly managed to get out of there, and then I couldn't miss her headlights through the window. Honk honk. Listen, it's Hooters not Honkers babe, lemme finish my brew. Soon the blinkers and then the highbeams. I set down my beer glass, and we made off like Bonnie and Clyde.

We headed for our spot on the field behind second base and she took out her pair of dirty pillows. Suddenly I was feeling like "no bee bites this time" for me. I went straight for those pillows but pretty soon felt as tired as my uncle Ricky during the second football game on turkey day.

It was starting to get a little nippy when she showed me what she called her "funbags" - at that point her tasty buds just made matters worse to be honest with you. I found myself really craving Ben and Jerry, Mounds with coconut. I could lick that all night I'll tell ya.

Almond Joy has nuts, Mounds does not. I have always lived by this mantra, c'est vrai if you catch my drift out on the ski slopes.

I never really got this show - it just seemed like one boob joke after another to me


I did get a little off base telling you this so sorry it's been like an episode of Twin Peaks. I was going for a Mickey and Minnie thing but wound up with more of a Holmes and Watson kind of deal. It's understandable if you decide to hold anything against me as that was exactly what my cousin Rachel was doing to me last night.

Mostly I just wanted to wish you a Happy Go Topless Day everybody!! By next year I expect it'll be absolutely busting out all over. Ta-ta til then.


Boob slang
Even more boob slang
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